Imposter Syndrome

It was a business dinner. Senior leaders from across the region had been invited. One of them was standing next to me at the pre-dinner drinks, chatting intently. Then he lowered his voice, “I’m not good at this whole schmoozing thing, Stuart. It makes me feel very out of my depth and uncomfortable.” This was someone who I had seen acting gregariously at meetings, full of humour, and in a very senior role. Here we were in an evening social venue and he was feeling really ill at ease.

Then a few weeks later I was coaching a Chief Executive of an organisation. She too was talking about the immense feeling of unease she had when she was at meetings with peers. She felt out of her depth. There was the overwhelming feeling that someone would open the door, walk in and tap her on the shoulder. “You shouldn’t be in this room. Come on, time to leave”.

We all worry at times that someone is going to challenge us. This is especially true when we are in a situation where we are learning new skills. In order to grow through learning we will inevitably move out of our comfort zone. What has struck me from coaching a large number of clients is just how common imposter syndrome is. The feeling that we shouldn’t be in the space, in role, in the situation. The worry that someone will “call us” on it, and reveal us as a bit of a fraud.

Now, I am sure there are some people out there who are remarkably self-assured. They had a solid upbringing with incredibly encouraging parents, they went to schools that encouraged them to be confident, and they have only had experiences which confirm that they are brilliant. But most people aren’t like that.

We have had experiences at home, at school and at work where someone has told us we are stupid, or useless, or out of our depth. We seem to internalise that and it becomes the inner critic. It’s our own inner critic that creates this feeling that we are an imposter.

The empowering thing from those two opening stories which I set out is that often the most unlikely person is battling with imposter syndrome. And of course, because we can’t read people’s minds, we don’t know who is struggling with it.

So, the next time you are sitting in a meeting feeling slightly queasy and worried that someone is going to tap you on the shoulder, just look around the room. The chances are that at least one other person in the room has the same feeling as you. And doesn’t that make you feel better? And just maybe that makes the syndrome evaporate!